What does it feel like to be depressed?
The world around you, once full of color, now crumbles down in front of your very eyes into colorless black and white pieces.
Everything that once made you feel happy, comfortable, and safe, now harbors a feeling of despair, loneliness, and agony.
You lose all meaning to live.
At least to me, that’s what depression felt like.
Depression was one thing that I didn’t want to admit I suffered from. I can now understand why there are so many people in the world who suffer from depression, but don’t feel open enough to share the news with anyone. At least for me, I didn’t consider my symptoms to be extreme enough to bring it up with family members or a counselor at the time so I ended up bottling all of these negative feelings deep down inside of me. Honestly, during my recent 2-months of depression, I believe I had only told one good friend how I really felt.
The symptoms were right there in front of me, yet I refused to believe that I suffered from this mental disorder. Looking back at the situation, I was in complete denial of my true feelings. I come from a loving family who puts a roof over my head and delicious food on the table. I have supportive and encouraging friends who do anything in their power to help me out with my blog. I network with many fashion and food companies as well as plan Bay Area events to form a more united, positive community.
With all of these amazing people in my life, how could I be depressed, you ask?
When you find yourself sitting in your living room imagining the visual storyline of crashing your car into a tree and killing yourself - you already know that something’s wrong. Very wrong. Never in my life have I ever considered committing suicide or thinking about death so vividly, but that day gave me a panic attack and caused me to burst into an unstoppable stream of tears. I have never felt so alone in my life. That was the day I knew I was depressed.
People have constantly told me that I smiled and laughed all the time and that my positivity was both admirable and infectious. I understood exactly what they meant, because I felt the same optimistic aura that I exuded on to my friends and family. This same positive personality defines who I am and I want nothing more than to convey that exact feeling through my blog to my audience. However, once I became depressed, I felt that my smiles and laughs felt no longer genuine, but rather empty and meaningless. The Snapchat stories and Instagram photos that I posted for my audience was no longer attached to the bubbly Michelle I always knew and loved.
I can’t pinpoint an exact day where I was beginning to feel depressed, but I can say that every single passing day…felt like it was never getting better. It was like hitting rock bottom with no possibility of climbing back to the top. Every morning I woke up to, I felt like I had lost all purpose in life. My comfortable suburban home was now an abode for stress and discomfort. The motivation, ambition, and love that I had for blogging vanished into thin air.
The only realistic solution I can come up with for overcoming depression is to change your current situation and mindset. During my time of depression, I was surrounded daily by negative individuals who brought me down with unnecessary arguments and petty complaints. Being exposed to that type of negative situation on the daily was already asking for trouble. Once I began to separate my emotions from these pessimists and directed 100% of my focus towards my work, I began to grow happier again. The spark I had lost for blogging, reignited into a full-blown flame and I was back where I started again.
All I can say is that I am so lucky to have had that one friend by my side at the time. If I didn’t have her, I can’t honestly say if I would have ever recovered from depression. She listened intently to my problems, she kept me sane, and she supported me all the way through my struggles. Without her, depression may have won the battle. So honestly, I thank her from the bottom of my heart that she was the only one who had managed to help me throughout this biggest obstacle in my life.
To anybody reading this who is currently feeling depressed or knows somebody who is depressed, I highly suggest that you (or whoever is depressed) talk to ANYBODY that you can trust – whether it be a school counselor, therapist, doctor, professor, family member, or friend. Expressing my feelings openly with a trusting individual has done wonders for my recovery and I’m sure it will for you too. Depression does not have to be fought alone and there are so many wonderful people in this world who are willing to help you.
Thanks to Bravelets, I was able to share my emotional story with you all. Bravelets is a for-profit company that helps individuals raise funds for worthy causes. In this case, I am featuring the Pearl White Time To Be Brave Watch and the Original Leather Bracelet in Teal to raise awareness towards depression. With Bravelets, I am happy to tell my personal story and I hope that it leaves a valuable impact on you all.
Dress: Gifted by fashion blogger Fiona
Shoes: De Blossom Collection (Fisola-73)
*Use discount code "missmisschelle" for 35% off your entire De Blossom Collection purchase at checkout.
Thy from @thy.time
Stay happy, stay healthy,