A New Definition Of Success
For a majority of us, we have been ingrained to chase the American Dream, or even a higher level of it. Owning a multiple story home with a significant other that comes with a huge lawn, an abundance of patio furniture, and a lemon tree. Having multiple garage doors with multiple cars. Raising multiple children who are then sent off to prestigious colleges. Wearing a suit to work as we climb the corporate ladder and get promoted every few years. Getting married by 23 and having kids by 28. If we fail to achieve any of these things or incorporate any of these factors into our lives by a certain age, we will be judged incessantly - whether it is directly to our faces or behind our backs.
“Are you still living at your Mom’s?
“Why don’t you quit your business and find a real job instead?”
“How come you still work at Trader Joe’s when you can find something much better out there?
“Why aren’t you married by now?”
Judgmental questions like these often appear time and time again, whether it is from a nosy relative, controlling parent, or a concerned friend. However, we don’t realize that the judgmental questions are what really makes us feel “stuck” in the first place. Weren’t some of us doing just fine before all of these judgments and opinions came about? Weren’t we doing just fine before we were being compared to this celebrity, your parent’s friend’s daughter, or that CEO?
Comparison kills. Comparison kills our drive. Comparison kills our unique personalities. Comparison kills the quality of our lives.
From a young age, I was conditioned to believe that we had to climb the corporate ladder - that this was the only way to go and that no other options existed. Throughout our adolescence, we are forced to just listen, obey, and never question the system. In all honesty, I never really thought anything about entrepreneurship as I grew up; I had just assumed some people got lucky in life and somehow magically managed their own businesses. I had assumed celebrities and CEOs were blessed with luck. However, the older I got, the more I realized how possible it is to create your own business, life, and dreams. All it takes is determination, willpower, time, and effort.
So, why is it when some of us want to go against the status quo (such as start our own business), we get ridiculed? Why is it when some of us find a job that makes us happy, but it is not of the highest pay grade or there is no room to advance, we get scolded? Why is it if we don’t marry by 23 and have kids by 28, we get attacked?
Unless it is the typical American Dream pathway, we will always be ridiculed, judged, and attacked. And even when some of us DO achieve the American Dream, people will still find a way to push our buttons - because they are not satisfied with where we are in life based on THEIR standards. Typically, our so-called “measure” of success is usually depicted through money or fame and not often focused on happiness at all.
This, here, is what I always questioned about societal norms. Why are people so focused on money? Why are people so focused on fame? Shouldn’t the utmost important thing in our life be happiness? If we’re rich but unhappy, how is this achieving the American Dream? If we’re famous but unhappy, how is this achieving the American Dream? How do any of these scenarios feel “dream-like”?
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As bluntly as this sounds, I’m here to say…screw the American Dream. The American Dream is created solely from societal norms. If we all focused on following societal norms and societal norms only, we would all be robots - waiting for every command to come our way and control our lives. Let’s just say - a controlled or dictated life is not a quality way of living. In fact, societal norms should NOT dictate and control our unique upbringings, personalities, and lifestyles.
All in all, if you find that what you are doing in your life is making you HAPPY, then do it…and do a LOT of it. Don’t pay attention to the haters, the negative Nancys, the judgers, or the drama-causers. Pay attention to YOU.
Let’s go over two examples. I heard this first one from Gary Vee’s podcast. A guy worked at a pizza parlor for a majority of his life and although he didn’t make a lot of money, he was damn HAPPY. He raved about how happy and fulfilled he felt on the podcast. Now this, is what I call, the definition of success. If he is genuinely happy in his day-to-day life, enjoys interacting with customers, and is proud of the work that he does, then he damn right deserves to feel like a success.
Now, let’s take a hypothetical example. Say Jessica wants to go to cosmetology school and become a hairstylist, but her parents said she would struggle to find a job or make good money. Instead, Jessica’s parents push a Biology degree, grad school, and a dental career on her. As Jessica studies hard to become a dentist and eventually has her own practice, she realizes years later that she absolutely HATES it and dreads waking up each morning to go to work. Despite all the money she has, she feels unfulfilled and unhappy.
All in all, don’t ever let other people’s version or definition of success impact the way you see your own success. Besides, I already KNOW that my idea of success is not other people’s idea of success…and I’m perfectly fine with that (lol). In this chaotic world of ours, we have to understand and realize that regardless of how hard we work, there are going to be nasty people out there who will never be happy with what you do or never view you as a success.
Thus, we might as well strive to make ourselves as happy and “successful” as possible.
How does this entire post relate to me? Well, I have a 9-5 job that I love. I have multiple side-businesses that I enjoy running. I love learning new things so often that I end up changing my hobbies and interests. I’m single at 28, but loving every self-growth minute of it.
But I’m going to be honest - I’m nowhere close to rich or famous. Although others may chastise me for making the wrong business decisions, for being distracted easily, for not focusing on a social media platform that is currently trending, for not being married by now, or for not chasing the “money-maker” fields in life, all of these things are not my end goal. Chasing money is not my idea of success. Chasing fame is not my idea of success. My idea of success of living a life that I LOVE and am PROUD of by my standards alone.
Now, that is my version of success. Remember this - success can only be determined by you and only you. Now go live your life, the way you have always wanted to. Go be successful, the way you view success. And just know, that I’ll be rooting for you.